Dominique Sakoilsky co-founder of ‘Relaxed Birth and Parenting’ tells us about the first ’7  Secrets of Birth’ Training she ran recently. This is a training for people wanting to work with women during pregnancy and postnatally and uses the ’7 Words’ personal development methodology applied to pregnancy and birth.

The first 7 Secrets of Birth Training took place in March 2012 at the Active Birth Centre in London. It was a new collaboration between Active Birth Founder, Janet Balaskas and myself Dominique Sakoilsky.

Attending were midwives, yoga teachers and Pilates teachers, all from different parts of the UK, as well as from Ireland and even Lithuania. What did we learn? The 7 Secrets will be revealed (book coming out May 2012) but we really explored pregnancy and birth physiology as a context for understanding about the needs of individual women for birth. We are all different. Every birth with every woman is different again. What do we know..that hormones are the delicate messengers that journey us into the very unique and open state that is necessary for birth. The “shy” hormone oxytocin responds to relaxation and feelings of safety. For some women accepting high levels of oxytocin and relaxin into her body will be a graceful drop into a profound state of being. For another woman it may ask her to trust in a way that feels both unfamiliar and scary.

Using the 7 Secrets as a tool of exploration we began to “uncoat” ourselves and see what we as practitioners bring to the arena of birth. In understanding something of our own personal make up and history we could see what gets in the way of our own relaxation and being. We journeyed form NO to YES, uncovering the states of HELLO, THANK YOU, GOODBYE, PLEASE and SORRY along the way. We looked at boundaries and truth, communication and connection, fear and denial, courage and the heart, vision and intention, responsibility and forgiveness and many nuances in between.

The general experience seemed to be one of deepening profoundly into birth and all she touches. Bones are a starting point, hormones give the bones and what has to happen some meaning, emotional awareness opened up the whole space. Birth isn’t just a physical event, it touches the feeling and even spiritual realms, and welcoming these aspects into our understanding brings a deepening of context.  Seeing these women go through a transition this weekend was wondrous.  As one antenatal yoga teacher said “I now feel shiny clean, lighter and more clear as to my path.  If you want to find out something important about yourself and why you work in the arena of birth come in September and find out!

For information on this training and the regular weekly ante-natal classes that take place in Bristol and Portishead as well as 1 day couples workshops that use the 7 words methodology see the Relaxed Birth and Parenting website.

Our customers know we stock our shops and website with this ethos, and therefore have come to expect certain things from Born; our toiletries contain no harmful chemicals, our plastics are all BPA free, our disposable nappies are as ‘eco’ as possible.  People visit us from quite a distance to see our large range of good quality ‘proper’ slings and baby carriers, to be able to see cloth nappies in the flesh, to try on a good range of decent nursing bras.  And we love this!  But did you know that we also stock many items that might not fit into the ‘crunchy’ mould?  Or did you see them and wonder – hmm, why do they sell buggies?  And what is with that dress, it’s not organic?

We realise that not all parents are going to make the same parenting choices.  So while we believe that carrying babies, especially tiny newborns, is best for them, we do also understand that this isn’t always going to be how your baby is transported around.  Eva and I both have Bugaboo buggies – and loved them!  Why?  Because they are designed and built so well, allowing you to have your child rear-facing.  Our kids have obviously all gone into car seats, so we stock what we feel are the best car seats on the market in our shops.  Many parents don’t bed-share, for many reasons, so we offer cots which are more than just a large piece of nursery furniture; the Sleepi cot for example grows with your child and becomes a toddler bed.

With clothing, we do feel that there is room in Born for lovely goodies that aren’t 100% organic.  Sometimes we find a local designer whose work we love – like Hana at Itsy Do. She makes one-off dresses for us, available to buy in both shops – they usually fly out!  And you won’t find them anywhere else unless you sign up to her classes and learn to make your own.  Sometimes, at a trade show, we will see a range and just ‘know’ that it will be right for our customers; James had this gut feeling with Noa Noa Miniature Baby which is hitting our London shop right now.  Sometimes, I will see a range and it will be a slow-burner, with a bit of persuasion needed to stock it, such as Swiss brand L’Asticot – who are organic but not our usual style!  This season we have quite a few new brands coming into the shop: Hucklebones, Shampoodle, Tapete – as well as shoes by Livie & Luca.

What they all have in common is outstanding quality and first-class design.  And that is what Born is all about.  We truly believe that if you can make something in organic cotton, then that adds to the quality, that ‘clean’ plastics are superior to standard ones and that a brilliant buggy helps you be closer to your baby; and then you have satisfied William Morris’ design criteria!

Becky
Born Buyer

March 22nd 2000 is the day we opened the doors of our Bristol store.  Like so many things you start you’re never sure where you are going to end up.  We did think we’d have more shops by now but with the advent of internet shopping, technically,  we can reach more people online than through a shop. We will have more shops in the future, because what we can’t do online is have those conversations that you can only have face to face. I’ve had so many chats about ante-natal classes, birth, sleep, teething, breastfeeding, nappies, slings, most of which aren’t related to products but just because I’m a mum, have ‘been there and done that’.  I like to think that we don’t ‘preach’ a right way to do things, but just by sharing our experiences give people an insight into a way of doing things that may be slightly different to the ‘norm’ whatever that is! Because to me (and the other 3 key people in Born) homebirth, long term breastfeeding, baby carrying, bedsharing, holistic healthcare and informed choice is our normal.

To celebrate our birthday come in and see us and tell us you’ve read this blog and you can have 15% off your purchase on the 22nd of March 2012, or if you can’t come in use the code ‘birthday12′ for 12% off online purchases placed until the end of the day.

Love Eva

In this interview Sue explains how these sessions can empower you to have the birth experience you want or get over a birth that did not go as planned.

Sue can be contacted on 0117 927 6131

Sue Learner Talks to Eva about her new midwifery consultancy

So with the high street in a bit of a state and one of Bristol’s independent baby shops Dinky Inc closing down we thought we’d just highlight the importance of supporting local independently run businesses.

It would probably be easier (and cheaper!) for us to be an online only store, rates and rents would be considerably lower as would staffing, however in doing that we would loose the main reason why we started the business, which was to bring to the high street and to everyday mothers the kinds of products that you just cannot find on the high street.

My biggest rant with our suppliers is when they allow internet only stores to sell their products and incredibly low prices (and sometimes even at a loss) which was what happened in the case of Dinky Inc. This is not sustainable business practice, and if we did that we wouldn’t be here now.

We are all to aware that customers come into our stores, have demonstrations and then go online to buy exactly the same thing but cheaper. Most people would do that, however we are always happy to price match (where it means we aren’t loosing money) so please ask us, especially if you want us to be around a little longer.

Eva

Last month LV published their annual report (read small sample survey!) on the costs of raising a baby – presumable to try and get a little press coverage while frightening the life out of expectant parents!

The report revealed the cost of raising a child from birth to their 21st birthday now totals a record £218,024. This equates to £10,382 a year, £865 a month or £28.44 a day.  Really – nearly £30 a day! If that’s correct I probably owe my two little ones quite a tidy sum by now.  £30 seems an awful lot, until that is you read what it includes which suddenly makes the sum seem not too unrealistic.

The report shows childcare and education to be the greatest expenses, costing parents a massive £71,780 and £62,099 respectively. The cost of education includes school uniforms, after-school clubs, and university tuition fees!  Why not include the cost of buying them their first car or home as well – just to whack on a few 000’s!

If you’re wondering how that effects parents of babies or toddlers, LV put the cost for year one at a touch over £10,000 – but remember that includes childcare.  From one to five the cumulative amount is £56,500.

Changing times

With times for everyone proving a little tight the report interestingly says that over a third (35%) of those cutting back are buying items from second-hand shops and 34% are making extra cash by selling goods on eBay and at car boot sales. While nearly a third (30%) of parents are making reductions to their outgoings have devised a specific budget for the family to stick to.

So how can you enjoy this wonderful time but not incur massive debts along the way?  Now we can’t help with childcare or university fees but here are our top ideas!

Our top baby budget busting ideas

Carry don’t push!

Slings and carriers not only promote great bonding between parent and child but they also make fantastic economic sense.  A quality, good fitting sling may mean you can go without a lightweight buggy for a few years.  But make sure you choose a carrier that you feel comfortable in and on that is built to last – something like an ERGO may be a few pounds more than cheap slings found on the high street but it’ll last and you’ll enjoy the experience a whole lot more!

One fantastic buggy is better than two not so great buggies

Before choosing a pram, pushchair or buggy think about what you’re really going to need. So many people buy huge 3 in 1 travel systems that in principle are great but in reality can be unsuitable for day to day activities – a bit like buying a Rolls Royce when really what you need is a small Polo! The result – buying a smaller stroller six months because they can’t get them on the bus!  So think about something that really fit your lifestyle – that’s why many of our customers love The Bugaboo Bee+ – it works from birth to walking and they’re nifty enough for the bus or tube!

Non- Disposable nappies = disposable cash

Now you’re probably aware of the eco-benefits of reusable nappies but fewer parents know that washable cloth nappies will save you money as well!  (Especially if you raise them for future babies as we did with our kids Maya and Jacob).  So even if creating a greener planet isn’t high on your priorities then saving well over £500 can prove very motivating.  For a breakdown of costs check out Money Saving Expert.

You’ll see that the savings you can enjoy with washable nappies will depend upon the type you choose – but out top tip is to balance the savings with making sure the nappies that are right for your lifestyle.   Our expertise with washable nappies is second to none so feel invited to come in to one of our stores to discuss which are best for you.

For more information why not read our Reusable Nappy guide

Swap & reuse

Parents have always borrowed or received handed down clothes from friends and family with older children.  Things have moved on since I was dressed in my sisters hand-me-downs with more and more websites springing up that offer baby clothes to swap, so it’s worth seeing how you’re local NCT can help or online sites such as nappyvalley.co.uk

Rent

In the US it’s increasingly common to find parents choosing to rent baby products, including clothing rather than buying outright.  This is especially true for items you may only need for a small period of time.

Currently both our stores rent out hospital grade breast pumps, great for if you only need one for a short time or to make sure you will get on with it before buying one.  Soon we hope to be able to offer the ability to rent other equipment and even clothing, so watch this space!

Quality over quantity

This is our mantra with everything we source and really sums up what Born is all about!  We may sound a little bit like your grandmother but it’s certainly true that spending a bit more on buying quality, well-made items that will last, will help you save in the long run.

Choose things that grow with your child

The Stokke range of furniture is a great example of how choosing well can also save you money.  The Stokke Tripp Trapp has been in our stores since we first opened over 12 years ago – not only is it a wonderful bit of furniture for the home and a design classic but it also makes fantastic economic sense because it can be altered to fit your child’s age from new born to old age.

The Tripp Trap chair is the only high chair we display in stores because it’s the only one we can whole heartedly endorse as it is the only high chair that goes from birth to adult. What’s not sensible about that?

Parenting Inc.

Like many other areas of life, the role of marketing in the baby sector has come under increasing scrutiny in the past few years – especially as it seems more and more attention is paid to how celebs pamper their babies.

If you’re interested in the commercialization of the baby sector then I strongly recommend hunting down a copy of Parenting Inc by Pamela Paul (the New York Times Features Editor)   – well worth a read!

What makes it extra lovely is that you can enjoy 10% off what ever you like from Borndirect, if you buy online before Midnight on February 14th.    That’s right – not just those show below but anything! (this excludes certain brands and those products which are all ready on special offer).

Simply add the code ‘valentine‘ during the checkout process.

Our selected valentine specials, from left to right

(1) Add a touch of colour with this Japanese paper balloon, by Petra Bowse

(2) A soft toy to treasure – Organic Cotton Crochet Monkey Ring by the amazing Anne-Claire Petit

(3) The softest ever reusable nappy by Itti Bitti

(4) Gorgeous knitted cotton baby Blanket by Lilly & Sid

(5) Keep snug with this sleeping bag by the fabulous David Fussenegger

(6) Quack with a difference – bath duck from Boon

(7) A real classic at a very special price – the Bob Suit by Kidscase

(8) A timeless classic, the wonderfully warm Padraig Slippers

This morning an article appeared in the normally brilliant technology page on the Telegraph website.  The article started by reporting the actions at Facebook headquarters of Breastfeeding supporters protesting at the slightly muddled policy Facebook takes towards breastfeeding images on the site.

Great – informative, timely and fairly reported.  What then followed is a bizarre collection of seemingly unrelated breastfeeding issues based on the reporters personal experiences and views upon Lactivists.   It covered everything from Breast milk ice cream through to NCT bullies to the closure of Hooters.

All of these may be interesting but they seemed to have less to do with Facebook and more to do with the journalist (who as I said is normally great) looking for any opportunity to vent her ‘issues’ on the subject.

In contrast, a quick flick through newspapers from elsewhere around the globe gives a very different approach – they offer a simply report of the events and some context to the ongoing Facebook dispute.

Is it just an English thing to obsess with the activities of those who actively support Breastfeeding?

Here’s a great video from the Irish demonstration